Instant Messaging
by FlamingDranzer
Summary: Fearing another hot summer day, Matt and Mello flee to one of the few rooms with an air conditioner in Wammy's House: the computer lab! The instant messaging system proves that even geniuses have their dumb days.


**Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note or anything else mentioned in this fanfiction.  
Warnings: Language, crack, pervertedness, bad humor  
Author's Note: We were taking standardized tests in school today, and after getting done, my friend and I passed notes to each other. I used the notes (with her permission) to create a fic. Any spelling or grammar errors in the fic are intentional! (Yes, even stupidityity.)**

**Instant Messaging**

The pop-up window appeared with no warning, and Matt nearly closed it from sheer reflex alone. After all, most of them were advertisements for products no one would ever want, or they were just scary pictures.

"Matt, I forgot to do my English vocab."

Matt glanced to his left and discovered Mello sitting at another computer across the room. The two, like everyone else, had decided to take refuge in the air conditioned room. The weather outside was just too hot!

"When do you have English?"

"7th period."

"Do it during lunch?"

He looked at Mello and saw the said blonde scoff.

"Don't you want food?"

"...Well, yeah."

It wasn't like Matt couldn't eat by himself, but he had always guessed Mello felt lonely in the large cafeteria by himself.

"I'm going to make up some sentences for the words."

"Sounds just like you, Mels."

"That's mean." Matt grinned at Mello's remark. "Are you telling me you wouldn't do it, Matt?"

"... I would do it."

"One problem. He does check them."

Matt thought for a moment, then typed, "Go to the locker between classes or do it during Rehunt's class?"

"Can't. We'll be at the wellness center for chemistry, remember?"

"Says who?" Matt retorted.

"Don't you pay attention? Go to class, then he takes everyone to the wellness center."

Matt sat still for a few seconds, realizing how... not alert he was. "That's gay."

"Plus we have to run on the treadmill for five minutes at 4 miles an hour," Mello reminded him.

Matt snorted. "You know I can't run."

_Maybe it's because of my nasty habit..._

"Why do you think I wore flip-flops today, dipshit?"

Matt's brain completely stopped working. Mello? Flip-flops? _I need to find some pigs; maybe they're flying!_

"'Cause they're pretty!"

"So, Matt... what are you going to do?"

"... Run backwards."

Another moment of inactive silence, then another message from Mello. "He's going to be pissed."

"Well," Matt typed, "I am incapable of any physical activity. I'll play DDR for five minutes, though."

"I'll join you. Maybe we can get all the other nerds to play too."

"Shut up, blondie."

"Hey, you know the perps will play it before us, anyway."

"'Perps?'" Matt could hardly hold back his laughter. "I don't give a fuck, Mello."

Out of the corner of his eye, the red-headed gamer noticed the blonde staring at the teacher with a curious expression.

"What the hell is Magnor doing?"

"Making up a plan to kill Mr. Bilkem?" Matt guessed.

"That's mean," Mello replied. "Maybe Mr. Rehunt."

Matt decided then it was time to get his eyes checked out. "Haha, I thought it said Mr. Hitler."

"Lol! His died!"

It was then that the gamer decided that a facepalm was necessary. "'lol his died?'"

"Maybe a death by flying Asians?" Matt suggested.

There was a few more moments during which nothing happened, then all of a sudden. "What in hell are you on, Matt?"

"Ibuprofen, migraine medicine, Advil, Tylenol. Not all at once."

"That stuff will kill you."

"Mello, teacher!"

The soon-to-be hacker managed to minimize the window just seconds before the teacher passed behind him. After the coast was clear, and out of all of the intelligent things Matt was capable of typing, he sent a simple, "Moo."

"She stopped at us and turned away," Mello noted, ignoring Matt's dull light bulb of brilliance.

"She's probably disappointed in me again."

"Why, Matt?"

"Because I stole her computer password. Again."

The teacher, Mrs. Magnor, seemed more anxious than ever, taking even more time to look at each student's computer screen carefully.

Matt could have sworn he heard the sound of a head hitting a desk right after he sent, "I seez yo boobies!"

Unfortunately, Mello seemed to become more intelligence impaired the more time he spent with Matt. "I seez I boobies?"

Matt took the moment to respond with, "I seez Mrs. Magnor's penises (more than one)."

Looking over at Mello, he saw the Catholic teen making a frightened face. "... That is _so_ wrong."

"I hope she doesn't read this," replied Matt.

"Dum sub alet," Mello warned. Apparently, the blond wasn't as good at typing as most would think.

"Attack the moocows!" came the gamer's retort.

"Attack Near, dammit! Speaking of which, why that name anyway?"

Matt's fingers moved in a quick fashion, forming the sentence, "Because dumb sub is dumb."

"Matt? What the hell is she doing?"

"Poisoning the air with her stupidityity."

A few more seconds passed, and Mello hadn't responded. Taking a liberty, Matt decided to add, "I feel it spreading!"

Though the sound was incredibly muffled, Matt could hear one of Mello's trademark chuckles from the other side of the room.

"Mello, when you laugh, you sound like a dying Oompa-Loompa. Please don't kill me."

"No, I won't. But no more video games."

"I'll buy my own," Matt replied.

"I'll take all your money."

"Then I'll use Magnor's penises for nunchucks!"

It was then that the ever life-saving bell decided that it was time to end all this stupidity and release the students from the confines of the air conditioned room. As Mello passed by Matt (who seemed pretty intent on not moving), he said, "There's no doubt in my mind that you'd try it. But that's not my permission for you to do it."

"Don't worry, Mello," Matt grinned. "I'm sure that Near has a couple of penis replicas lying around anyway!"


End file.
